Messenger bars

I have invented a new foodstuff for messengers who are too busy / tired / skint to get a proper meal down them. What we basically do at MessBar® is compress real meals into layers, and then dehydrate them. The result is a compact, chewy, nutritious and highly portable foodstuff that has a fairly long shelf life. Look out for our full english breakfast bar, our ploughman’s lunch bar, and our various evening meal bars. We also have a tofu and beans bar for vegans, fortified with brown rice and vegetables and all that healthy crap.

I will be doing a sales pitch on Dragon’s Den in the Autumn, to try and get funding to expand the company. But my sales pitch will be different from the rest. I will walk onto the stage with six brown envelopes, each containing photos of all of the Dragons’ children tied up, with balaclava-wearing, heavily armed men in the background. Somehow I am confident that I will get the level of financial backing that I ask for.