Unbe-fucking-leivable
August 5, 2008What an absolutely shite day, which would test the patience of a motherfucking saint:
- After a few days of lovely sunny weather with minimal precipitation, there is finally a consistent pattern of rain all over the city. The clouds are thick and this isn’t going to let up. I can handle it though, it’s better than being hot and sticky, so I put on my waterproof socks and jacket. Still… I can’t find my mudguard. it’s a bit grim knowing that I’m going to be wet all day.
- After my first pickup, I’m going slow as anything around a corner and into a hill. At the bottom of the hill the road is paved with those shitty traction-free red bricks that are often used in pedestrian areas, except these ones are extra-slippery compared to the usual ones. Which is why I’m going slow as anything. As soon as I’m straightened up, I start to gently accelerate up the hill, but oops, no, the bike wants to go sideways and fall on the floor. Luckily I managed to avoid falling over with it, but it was embarrassing still. Especially because I was singing quietly just before I fell, and the shock of it made me shout “ARGH!” really loud. In front of lots of people. I didn’t mean to… it was just reflex.
- My phone decides to stop working properly – Water has leaked into it! The buttons either don’t work, or they don’t do what they’re supposed to. The star key is making the number four come up. Which means once the auto key lock comes on, I can’t unlock it, because you need to press the star key to do that. I can’t phone in to say POB, because the green button doesn’t work. Meaning I also can’t answer calls. Neither can I hang a call up, because the red button doesn’t work either. Fuck!
- I try to dry my phone under the electric hand driers in McDon*lds. BUT THE F*CKING THING DOESNT WORK!!!
- I dry the phone elsewhere. Star key still doesn’t work though. It starts to rain more heavily so I zip my coat up. The zip on my coat breaks off. Altura, you make fucking SHIT COATS!!!!
- THEN, after I’ve got 3 POB, I hear the dreaded hissing sound. SCWALBE PUNCTURE PROTECTION MY ARSE!!! MY FUCKING SKINNY, SWEATY, RAIN-DRENCHED ARSE!!!!!!
Try putting your phone into a bowl of rice, and covering the phone. It should get the moisture out.
I’m sorry to laugh at your misfortune, but I’m only laughing because I understand completely.
We had the same shitty rain today, my radio stopped working as soon as I made my first pick up, the zip has been broken on my company Endura piece of shit jacket for weeks now meaning I can only use the velcro bits to close it. And after 10 minutes it’s completely soaked through anyway… waterproof my arse. And I also got a puncture this afternoon…
but you have to laugh, ‘cos if you didn’t you’d be sitting at the side of the road weeping eternally. So that’s why I had tears of laughter in my eyes reading this…
Hope tomorrow is a bit better for you, although from the looks of things the next coouple of days are going to be shit for us all. Ha-ha!
The zip’s bust on my altura nightvision too, what a bag of crap.