Messenger-of-Doom-o-zade

My new energy drink has hit the markets. It is aimed specifically at cycle couriers and contains various secret ingredients. Initially I intended to call it skintozade or cheapozade, but that sounded cheap. I thought of various names and trademark phrases such as

“HYDRADEATH: LIKE ROCKET FUEL BUT BADDER”;

“NITROGLYCERKILLIN: HIGHLY UNSTABLE ENERGY EXPLOSION IN YOUR GOB”; and

“FUCKING HARDCORE ENERGIZER LIQUID STUFF: YOU’LL ALMOST REGRET BEING BORN”

…but my marketing advisor advisored against this. So I took the proper route. I spent all my money on 13 creative branding consultants (i.e. wankers) who spent 270 hours being creative and re-branding my drink. At £27 an hour this was not cheap. Finally, they came up with the perfect name: “ENERGY”.

Fucking genius! Money well spent. I’ll sell millions and I’ll be able to retire by the time I’m 25. YESSSSS!!!!

Please ignore the warning on the side, you don’t need to worry.