Bad man nuh ‘fraid a no big package
May 16, 2008
Only took it 4 miles and it’s light as fuck, but I got lots of incredulous looks off drivers…
It looks bigger in real life than it does in the photo
MOTHER FUCKING DRAIN COVERS
May 15, 2008There should be a law that requires all metal manhole covers to either be surfaced with a rough, grippy material, OR for them to be surrounded by bright yellow paint.
They are dangerous as fuck.
Not only do cyclists and motorcyclists have to be careful because 4-wheel vehicle drivers and pedestrians don’t notice us, but we also have to pay attention to the surface of the road because some fuckwit down the Highways Agency (or whoever is responsible for this kind of thing) didn’t use their brain:
Person 1: “I have a good idea! lets allow people to put bare metal covers on manholes! Also, lets allow them to be almost the same colour as the road surface, so that they’re barely noticeable! This will be great!”
Person two: “But what about when it’s raining? Won’t it be extremely dangerous for cyclists and motorbikers?”
Person 1: “Ah, fuck them, I don’t give a toss - I drive a car, why would I give a monkey’s about what happens to them? Who cares about road safety anyway?”
I was thinking of doing some guerilla activism and pouring yellow paint around these drain covers in the city centre, but there are about 1,000 of them. I’d end up spending £300 on paint, and - according to Bradford council in response to a guy who painted around potholes so people could avoid them - I would effectively be doing ‘graffiti’ - a punishable offence.
Anyway - my knee is fucked, my pride is hurt, and I might have to have tomorrow of work.
Fucking great.
If I was mayor of Birmin’am I’d have my fucking way…
Coffee is the way forward
May 15, 2008Double espresso @ Centre City Tower’s cafe = £1 = mmmm
plenty smooth
Fair weather cyclists
May 15, 2008Bad man nuh ‘fraid a no unfavourable weather conditions
But bad man has to resist the urge to follow good looking female cyclists
And then capture them and take them home in my courier bag
One would have thought one would have grown out of this kind of thing by now…
Fu*king pidgeons!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
May 14, 2008They must be aiming for me
How dem can shit ‘pon me, when there is plenty open space fe dem shit ‘pon?
Pass me de pellet gun mek me shoot out dem bomboclaat!
Betta yuh wear out rim an’ brake block…
May 14, 2008…than yuh wear out knee cartilage an’ ligament an dem ting deh
Idiots
May 14, 2008I’m on 2-lane 1-way road, notice a woman driving with her left hand side mirror folded back. Her window is open so I ask “don’t you need this mirror?” and fold it forward. She says thanks and the lights turn green and we go about our business.
Few weeks back I pull up at a red light next to a woman who is not indicating, so is obviously going forwards when the lights change. Her right hand mirror is folded back. Her window is closed. I knock her window and point to her mirror. She gives me a blank look. She doesn’t have a clue what I’m talking about. The lights turn green and she fucking turns right - with no indicator on and with her right hand mirror folded back. What a fucking stupid ignorant idiot. She would probably have killed anyone who was overtaking on a bicycle or motorbike when the lights changed. And it would have been all her fault.
How can anyone be so stupid not to have their mirrors sorted while they are driving? For fuck’s sake that is one of the first things you are supposed to do before you start the engine.
It’s bad enough if you get cut up someone who checked their mirrors but didn’t see you. But these cunts are so stupid that they don’t even give a shit about mirrors in the first place.
Hopefully they’ll meet their maker via articulated lorry before long.
I knew the day would come…
May 12, 2008…when the price of Dragon Stout would exceed £1 per bottle.
Fucking dark times are ahead. No longer can you buy five (two and a half pints of) Dragon Stout for a fiver and get lean.
Old Jamaican men everywhere must be bloodclaat vexed.
I’m off to the shop to pick up two bokkle.
F*CKING IRRITATING C*NT!
May 12, 2008If there’s one thing that gets my fucking blood boiling worse than shite drivers, it’s FUCKING IDIOT IGNORANT PEDESTRIANS GETTING OFF THE BUS AND CROSSING TWO-LANE ONE-WAY STREETS WITH THEIR BACK TO THE TRAFFIC WHILST LISTENING TO AN MP3 PLAYER AND NOT EVEN LOOKING TO SEE IF ANYTHING IS COMING IN THE SECOND LANE.
Seriously, this shithead was SO ENGROSSD IN HER OWN LITTLE WORLD that SHE DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE WHEN I SLAMMED ON MY BRAKES AND STOPPED WITH MY FRONT WHEEL ONE CENTIMETRE AWAY FROM HER LEG.
YOU DESRERVED MY PLUGLESS HANDLEBAR ENDS AT 20MPH RIGHT IN YOUR FUCKING MAIN ARTERY YOU CUNT!!!!
Pirate barbecues is the best
May 12, 2008Q. What is the best?
A. Christina is the best
Nice gardens is the best
Dragon stout is the best
Banging your head on the metal bar above the gate (AKA the ‘tall person trap’) is the best
Big pirate flags is the best
Getting a lift home is the best
Other kinds of stuff is the best too.
Ade nuh bad like me
May 10, 2008Ade too slow to race me
I had to backpedal to avoid completely embarrassing him
However, he was using flat pedals, so…
“What kind of sad c*nt
May 10, 2008…takes loads of pictures of their bike and publishes them on the internet? It’s not a piece of art, it’s not a beautiful person, it’s a bicycle. Stop posing it and ride it for fuck’s sake!”*
*Quote courtesy of some c*nt
